i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
