Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
