idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
