Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
