Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
