I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
