On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
