the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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