fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
