Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
