Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love having hate sex.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
