We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
