One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
