Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
