i permit you to call me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
