just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
