did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
