the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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