is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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