All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dick very happy bro
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
