Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
