I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
