we have officially lost it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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