I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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