sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
