Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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