I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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