She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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