i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
