how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
