found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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