Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
