You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
