I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
