the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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