remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
