don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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