I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Alive.
So much puke
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
