Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
