I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
