East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
