u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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