Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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