Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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