I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
