Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
