I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
