I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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