the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
