Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
where are my eyebrows?
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