i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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