I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
